Saturday, May 28, 2011

My Edits Regarding the Last Post: I got 10.

I'm posting this in a separate posting to not spoil anyone's guesses who might still be trying to find all the errors in the nice dentist's flyer.

To review:

Name of dentist, deleted to keep me from being too catty

Our office performs general and pediatric dentistry and orthodontic
Our office also offers sealants, night guard, flouride and many more services

We offer Fast Braces (Patients only wear the braces for 12 to 15 months it correct teeth faster than traditional brace. Our office can also offer you care credit if needed.

We accept Medicaid, Tx chip and most insurance. Our office can also offer you care credit if needed.

Specials: Whitening $100($350 value)


I'd edit the following things.


Name of dentist, etc

Our office performs general and pediatric dentistry and orthodontic 1. Orthodonic what? Care? It is an adjective and needs a noun or should be changed into a noun form (orthodontia? I'm not sure-- I'm not a dentist.) 2. Needs a period at the sentence.

Our office also offers sealants, night guard, flouride and many more services 3. Since "sealants" is plural, I think "night guards" should be as well. 4. This sentence also needs a period.

We offer Fast Braces 5. Period here, because the parenthesis is missing the other half and I'm going to remove it altogether. ( 6. Remove parenthesis, as the other half is missing. Patients only wear the braces for 12 to 15 months it correct teeth faster than traditional brace. 7. This is a run-on sentence, so it needs either a period and capital after "months" or at least a semi-colon. Of course, a single comma isn't strong enough for that location, either. 8. "Correct" should be "corrects" because the word "it" is singular. If they changed "it" to "they" for "braces" that would also work, but not "it" with "correct." That's subject-verb agreement. Finally, 9, the word "brace" should be "braces." Our office can also offer you care credit if needed.

We accept Medicaid, Tx chip and most insurance 10. TX Chip and I think you could argue it should be "most insurances" or "most insurance plans" but I won't count that one. Our office can also offer you care credit if needed. I won't count this one, either, but it's a completely repeated sentence, so I feel something needs to be done about that, plus I don't know what "care credit" is or if it differs from regular credit somehow.
Specials: Whitening $100($350 value) Needs a space between the two dollar amounts...but I don't have the heart to make that #11.


How did you do? Did I miss anything? It's entirely possible. I may have been a middle school English and Reading teacher, but I really didn't hyper-focus on the finer points of grammar. I'm really not that picky, I don't think. If you want to see posts by someone who REALLY knows the English language, then I direct you to Edittorrent...quite amazing. She knows grammar and punctuation inside out.

On the Importance of Grammar and Punctuation

With email and twitter, I see a lot of people not using capitals, periods, commas, etc. For email, this bothers me. Okay, for anything, this bothers me. Too much of a former English teacher, I guess. But I understand the reasoning behind it. However...when you are sending home a flyer about your business, you really do want to use proper English.

My first grade daughter attended Career Day at her school on Friday. The first grade class got to hear from three speakers. One was from Bush's Chicken, which is sort of like Kentucky Fried Chicken, but not as tasty. The Bush's Chicken mascot was even there. I find this to be suspiciously like advertising, but okay. Then came a representative from our local big grocery store chain. Again, this seemed suspiciously like free advertising for them, but I hadn't signed up to present, so I couldn't really gripe. Then came the dentist. The dentist sent home a free toothpaste/toothbrush kit, a flyer about eating fruits and veggies (cool) and a half-page flyer advertising their business. It is mostly an ad for "Fast Braces." Here's the problem. I found at least 8 different errors in this thing that was given away at a SCHOOL function by a professional person. It seriously disturbed me. Here's what it said, without any changes to it, other than the original came home on pretty pink paper:

Name of dentist, deleted to keep me from being too catty

Our office performs general and pediatric dentistry and orthodontic
Our office also offers sealants, night guard, flouride and many more services

We offer Fast Braces (Patients only wear the braces for 12 to 15 months it correct teeth faster than traditional brace. Our office can also offer you care credit if needed.

We accept Medicaid, Tx chip and most insurance. Our office can also offer you care credit if needed.

Specials: Whitening $100($350 value)


Can you find all the errors? It's like one of those Daily Oral Language exercises from English class, only a REAL person sent this home to over 100 parents. It makes me cringe.

Kids, this is why you need to pay attention in English class. I would never take my kids to a dentist who didn't bother to spellcheck an advertisement. So much for "Career Day"-- it's more like "Free Advertising Day." But it only works if your advertisement doesn't make you look ignorant.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Word counts

Here is an excellent post about word counts, by agent Jenn Laughran. I'm posting it here so I'll always know where to find it when I'm pondering word counts. For example, my middle grade chapter book was right about the length I thought it should be, but then everyone who read it wanted me to develop it more. Now, I realize it's not a chapter book anymore, the way that term is used. It's just solid middle grade. Good to know!